StarGazer

hey hey

Mon, 20 Sep 2004 14:30:24 GMT

hey there.. yes i have died and come back to haunt all of you...
Back at school in my own apt.. having a blast, with my awesome friends missin some others.. single havin an awesome time, got the lead in drood, taking voice with some guy from the Met. my life consists of gettin drunk and singing and dancin... having fun w/ that though... i have fallen for yet another straight boi... haha.. he's awesome and one of my best friends here.. he's like mini me.. the little bro i never had... i love that kid so much. neway off to class n such with jimbo then hanging with my frosh nick

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 18:31:30 GMT

life goals!
1. be with someone with my name so while making love scream my own name. ~
2. be with a boy who has a job ~
3. be with someone who has a grad school degree ~
4. Have an amazing summer ! ~

~ next to the things i have been doing the past few weeks

.. i'm falling for u..muah! PCnPL!!!!

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 20:57:44 GMT

yeah so scratch that.... my cell bill is now 512 dollars! so its been decided .. i'm shutting it off.. ehh it happens... gonna be phoneless for the next few months... but hey i'll save a few bucks not having those monthly bills

yesterdays date with billy was ok.. i mean its hard to go on a first date with someone and when u get there... u get introduced to 3 of the guy u like's exes... which are all prettier than you... what do u do what do say... yeah so i just sat there.. til then end of the date he and i had a breif but good convo... anad an apology for the nights events.. its chill b/c i want him to see i am a guy who he can bring around his friends.. lala... oh its been like a year since i've had a real boyfriend... it'd b nice to just be comfortable again/... but life happens.. and goes on! lalallalallallalallalallalla very spaced today

AHHHHHH

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 14:34:45 GMT

total phone bills since i have come home! $312 !!!!! who the fuck did i call!!!

ohh so true hehe love u los

Mon, 07 Jun 2004 14:28:31 GMT

bigglesworth51's LJ stalker is los7685!

los7685 is stalking you because they saw your picture and fell in love.. They are also leaving anonymous abuse on your journal!

LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com

another poem by CJ

Tue, 25 May 2004 03:00:36 GMT

*Bad Seed (Shadow's Confession)*

Little by Little I got to
get the attention pour from you
What are you waiting for?
Come in open my door

I notice something odd
I smell the lies and the fraud
saying that I'm thunder that I'm out of control
and it's that they'll never understand a true free soul

Perphaps they are indeed right
that I posses medusa's sight
that I posses King Mida's touch
that I've gone too far, too much

Now that you have heard it all
it's up to you it's your call
now you know what you see is what you get
if you jump, jump high and far without regret

They say I'm a total destructive mess
That my love will curse not bless
They say I make hearts bleed
that I am bad seed

They say behind me there's only graves
and few hearts I've made into slaves
that behind me I've dried out fertile earth
that my kiss it's indeed the kiss of death

I am someones muse!!! that rocks

Tue, 25 May 2004 02:02:07 GMT

A poem written by CJ Pacheko

Everyone wants me to get away from him
that he's no good and that I'm trapped in his scheme
They Say that all he's caused me it's so much pain
and that by now he's numbed even my brain

I must confess
when he kisses me the world spins inside my head
I feel lovely and blessed
and withtout him I feel like I am numb and dead

EVerybody says I'm blind he's up to no good
that he can't even manage to survive his own mood
that he's a nobody and has no money
that his lies always come covered in honey

I close my eyes I and i feel his breath
my blood boils while touching his lips
I feel love, rebirth and death
slowly like a accoustic guitars feel lovemaking fingertips

I and I Believe, I Believe, I Believe him

I believe him when he says I love you
when he says his love it's eternal, I do

I believe him that he's best man
I believe him and against odds I'll stand

I believe him that the moon is made of cheese
and if only he'd give me one more kiss

Even if lies to me right there I believe in him

With Eyes Wide Shut
In him I will believe
With Eyes Wide shut
he'll be the air that I need to live

With Eyes Wide Shut
My trust in him will be enough
With eyes Wide Shut
I will always give him my love

Mon, 24 May 2004 18:00:26 GMT

CONGTRATS RYAN!

Mon, 24 May 2004 17:59:39 GMT

so i was talking to someone... someone who will remain nameless b/c i don't wanna ruin ne chance of our friendship...
But I'm tired. TIred of having to pretend that what u do doesn't bother me. Your self destructive behavior is killing me inside. You told me last night that your haveing an amazing time at home, that your one of the popular kids now.. that you party and get drunk and high everynight! WAhooo!!!... not. You said that these people all think your straight... that they don't even know who you are.. and they are your friends. that they wanna set you up with gurls.. that you'll even hook up with a gurl just to keep your cover, and fuck guys secretly. how can u tell me this and continue to tell me yuo love me, that u want to be with me when you come back to CT? How can someone be your friend if they don't know who you are? of course i play it cool like it doesn't matter, oh of course i do.. b/c heaven forbid i have feelings for you.. b/c then i just seem needy to you.. and u push urself away more.. I can't be there for you, and not tell u how i feel honestly.. you have to be yourself.. b/c it will kill your heart... you are an amazing person if u let yuorself to be.. when yuo are free of everything that holds you back... i've seen it.. i've seen you thrive, i've seen you happy... truely happy. not that facade that you put up everyday with your overpriced clothes tan body, and flawless hair... its not you... u know it isn't. and it kills you.. it kills me to see u so lost, that you've completely changed yourself for people when all you had to be was yourself.

hey

Mon, 24 May 2004 17:40:20 GMT

these past few week have been preety cool... ive been super busy runnig back and forth, me a really aweosme guy Ryan. Hes a total sweetheart, a total cutie, and i dunno hes freakin crazy~ hehe
so this past week has been filled with finals ,the end of the childrens show, packing, unpacking strike, slept over ryans on sat night.. wild! then yesterday and today i unpacked more.. watched movies, and of course got bored out of my mind.
Today i got a job! horray!
and now i'm going over steves apt to chill. its been so long since i've seen him

i'm sorry

Tue, 11 May 2004 20:27:47 GMT

i told my parents... it felt good to get it off my chest... and i'm happy they are gonna fight this with me.. i'm so scared and sorry for what i've done.. i just want it to end... i just want my luck to change... i need it to.
who knows when my time will come.. but i wanna fight this as much as i can.

i have a story to tell but its lng and complicated.. maybe someday when i'm rich and famous i can just shake it off my shoulder.. like it never happened.. it'll be it my e true hollywood story, or some pretentious show, like that. i dunno, i've just put so much of myself outthere... worked my ass off.. and have nothing to show for it/...
to those who don't understand.. i'll explain it to u someday..

i love u. and thats all i can say right now

Tue, 11 May 2004 20:08:41 GMT

Your romance is more of a love that needs to bloom
within, just like Hedwig of Hedwig and the
Angry Inch. The film features an East German
transsexual who is seeking her "other
half" after constant betrayal. You must
love yourself before you can need another.
You're starting to realize this, along with the
fact that you don't need a significant other to
be a complete person. Your "other
half" has been inside you all along.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

hey

Mon, 10 May 2004 18:24:26 GMT

well i needed to vent, life... where should i expect it to take me next... tommorow is a big day... it will determine the rest of my adult life... and for what.. a stupid mistake that could have easily been avoided if i said no...
but u learn from your mistakes... yes i have learned.. never ever to trust neone... you never know who will betray u.

i have decided i'm excited for the summer.. but really only b/c of a few friends i have't seen in a long time... some who will remain nameless... have been so cold to me... and i've seen the truth about who they are... people change its only natrual.. but b/c i've been away so long, i come back to what i had b4.. and i realize what true friendship is.. and what is not.. people who down other people to make themselves feel better is not worth my time... also people who'll ditch you and expect things not to change.. are stupid... they did... maybe i've chnaged though... in my life i have so many people that do love me. i guess part of live is weeding out the bad ones and allowing the true ones to grow.

as mad as he made me.. matt is yet again in the picture. why.. i do not know.. for somereason even though hes had so many chances, i still let him into my life. after 4 months of crying over him i stopped... and told myslef i didn't need his bull how he would push me away knowing full well how he felt... and when i felt i was finally over him.. and happy alone... he called... and said he loved me... and that even though we have to be friends b/c of distance... he still wants me... only me. i try to stay strong .. and pretend to not care.. when he knows that ii feel the same way... errr these games we play... hopefully after this summer things will change.. a new ratio of our lives has begun...
i found where i belong in my school, meeting so many cool people.. and a brother..jimmy. hes prolly my biggest support right now.. and i can't forget my meribreasts... shes always there to pick me up at 4 am when i am sad and drunk at some party... i love them.. nate is so strong, diane so grounded... emmie so full of life, sue.. she longs for what i long for.... amanda and kristy.. u always make me laugh, cher.. what can i say? ur my lifeline... there are so many people here that i love and have touched me in some way... i can't begin to tell u how much support i get from these people... and they love me... for who i am... inside

okay so now i am crying... but i can nevr forget my peeps at home... who have helped me be who i am... i could never forget u.

so heres to now, here is to being true to yourself.. and being happy as hell when this show is over and i can come home

i love u mc with all of my heart you can spell Konfusion neway u wish.

to my loves.. my friends... " who can say if i've been changed for the better, but b/c i knew you i have been chnaged for good"

Thu, 04 Mar 2004 06:50:55 GMT

There's a light
A certain kind of light
That never shone on me
I want my life to be lived with you
Lived with you
There's a way everybody say
To do each and every little thing
But what does it bring
If i ain't got you, ain't got ?
You don't know what it's like, baby
You don't know what it's like

To love somebody
To love somebody
To love somebody
The way i love you

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 03:15:43 GMT

hey.. ye another week of school.. so much has happened... the trials and tribulations of college life.. whos fucking who.. who's buying the beer, whos buying the green.. etc etc.. this past week's rehearsals have beem hell.. but honestly great. i'm openign up and growing.. feeling deeply abd feel love for sebastian.. i feel ometimes i get lost in antonio.. how hes so incocent.. he allows everyone to walk all over him, just because he would do nething for neone. Justin and i went on a trip to the packie for some smokes.. good talking.. luv ya bro.. also good talking to Sean.. hes a real sweet guy, and i'm openign up to him more.. which was hard to do at first. but hes a great guy Went to get some coffee with joey and sam... joey.. i think a load moan is sufficent... uh!!!!!!! heheh well hw time night foos

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 03:56:03 GMT

hey i'm bak at school having a fabulous time in my fabulous room
i love my roomie!!!!

good to be back with my girls @ western.. i love them

Last night... well um... hehe was good times!

from emmies journal/ how i've been feeling lately

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 20:38:34 GMT

the hand of my clock strikes two in times when i got the best of you. we made promises we couldn't keep and every night we couldn't sleep. i didn't know why, but didn't ask questions because it was the first time in my life, yeah the first time in my life where i did something right. i set myself up for the greatest fall of all time. you pick me apart while i search for witty things to say (in my defense) "you'll never amount to anything anyway" (don't press your luck, don't press your luck) and i think that i'm impressed with your one night stands and your contagious kiss. i'm trying to get this right yeah, cause i'm ridiculous like that. i'll keep this as a constant reminder of the nights i spent holding onto him and rest assured i'm moving on. i miss you less, with each day your gone. matchbook romance the greatest fall (of all time)

let's start out by starting over..what did i expect you're no good at lying and i'm no good at comebacks. but your so untouchable and i'm oh so terrible at this..i'm terrible at this you know. don't hold this against me i've already said i'm sorry. tell all your friends about me and i bet you've got every word i said memorized in your head and you'll use every one of them and you'll use every one of them against me. i hope you choked on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me and realize how many times i've tried but that's wishful thinking..all i want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me. get me far away or at least as far as this car will take me..matchbook romance lovers and liars

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 20:32:13 GMT

I am the Siren

A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society </p>

i love soy milk and "special" atkins brownies

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 17:46:59 GMT

so last night was interesting..almost had a threesome, with two guys that it wasn't such a good idea to hook up with... so much drama..
but well today i plan to pack my bags and get ready to head back to school... maybe hang out wit some peeps to say good-bye who knows?

why is it that i have no penuses in my life.... yes i said penuses!
I like my Swedish sausage done well...

I hate the world...and men too... i just want lots of penuses... and a cute boi with emotional problems like me.

Have a good day world

hahha

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 03:42:55 GMT

found an interesting shout out..made me laugh!

" Calling all New Mexicans
A quick promotion for my high school's drama club:

If any of you are from northern NM or will be visiting here soon, I highly recommend coming to Los Alamos High School's annual variety show "Topper Review" on January 30-31 and February 6-7 at 7:00."

Pat: i wanna go see a show called topper review.. infact wasn't i in that at "Sarge" last summer... i could have sworn i was... why else would i own a pair of hotpants....? Wait... oh yeah i remember why...

Sat, 24 Jan 2004 03:21:39 GMT

i miss my jew

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 22:44:20 GMT

its fucking cold

had a good day wit jeff yesterday.. shoppin and such... twasn't easy saying goodbye... but we had a fucking amazing month of chillen... this summer should rock

I love my ROOMMATE!! sam is da best eva ..makes me smile
tonight shall be a blast of gayness as usual. HEY~!!! haha

" and if you care to find me...
look to the western sky
As someone told me lately,
"Everyone desearves the chance to fly"
And if i'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
and to those who ground me
take a messege back from me..
Tell them I'm defying Gravity!"

teddyq i'll call u when my cell gets fixed..hopefull tommorow i'll ahve a new one... its amazing what one can do with a cell phone and then just by placing it on yuor bed... it breaks in half...who does that?

hey

Tue, 20 Jan 2004 23:40:05 GMT

I'm back!!! A new and Improved PATRICio!!!!!
Yes, its been a while and through it all i've learned so much, that i don't need a man to make me happy... i simply need to be happy with myskef my own accomplishments, my own decisions, my own life!
For once i'm so happy with myself, with being alone, with being me!
I have so much to live for!
WICKED IS AMAZING!!!! .... moves me!
Well i'm around being fucking fabulous.. because i am!
Teddy Rachel Ash Adam Chris Daph Emmie Sam & meribear, James , all of you have made my days so much happier... the past few weeks have been interesting and i'm happy with the decsions i have made... being who i am and taking the consequences of putting myslef on the line, my emotions out there, and when told that it couldn't be.. i moved on~ with out pain... his loss..

My room is soo hooked up..sammy and i set it up today i didn't wanna leave~ come visit all of you, all invited.. no exceptions ..hehe

well i love u all out there... u make my day!

lalala

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 15:31:15 GMT

yeah so i'm movin on...

met this guy jeff, he's really sweet. Last weekend was the bomb, thats all i ahve to say.. Friday jeff and i watched movies all day, and on Sat, Sat was awesome! Jeff and Mikey picked me up and we went to Chili's for dinner.. where we saw abe..miss him, then afterwards went to jeffs to get ready for the club, where we met up with shane... sweetheart, dan..mikeys bf..i went to highschool with him..which was awesome, lots of bonding, and at the club we met Brett. Brett and Shane were meeting for the first time ater months of phone convo's.... they are the cutest ever! Also at the club.. Emmie, Brenda, Kira, and Phippy. My leses are the bestest.. The club was the best.. i never had so much fun.. Yes guys, I am a faggot and, i love the cock!!! hehe smooch~ around 2 we went to acrop for food, because we all were hungry from dancin our asses off, then back to jeffs for snuggleing ... muah!Eventually got home sunday and spent the day resting with a hangover.. twas fun!

I can't wait til tuesday and new years... holla!!

"I'm not stupid...... i'm just not smart"goodtimes kiddos

sending this one out to matt

Mon, 29 Dec 2003 15:11:15 GMT

I gave you three months of my life
You always said I'd be your wife
Whatever happened to the days when
Life was so simple? (So simple)
Everyone knows my name
I haven't changed, I'm the same boy
I was from the start
Everything's rearranged, you came
And changed it and gave me a broken heart
You dont' wanna work it out, no
You wanna take the easy route

You throw your hands up and walk away
When times get hard you always walk away
You get mad and say you're leavin
Why is it so hard for you to talk to me?
When it's so easy for you to walk away

So here I am, driving down the street
Lookin' for a sign, when will I meet
The man of my dreams?
When will he come to me?
When will he come to me?
I'm sick of trying, I'm goin' home back
To CT where I came from
And you can stay here and spend your
Whole life running, but baby I'm
Gonna move on
You don't wanna work it out, no
You wanna take the easy route

You throw your hands up and walk away
When times get hard you always walk away
You get mad and say you're leavin
Why is it so hard for you to talk to me?
When it's so easy for you to walk away

So there I go, I'm leavin' you alone
What will you do, now all your fears
Came true
You had my heart, you had my soul
You had it all - didn't you
'Cause I'm sick of tryin' I'm goin' home
Back to H-town where I come from
And you can stay here and spend your
Whole life running, but baby it's
Time to move on
You didn't wanna work it out, no
You just wanted the easy route

You throw your hands up and walk away
When times get hard you always walk away
You get mad and say you're leavin
Why is it so hard for you to talk to me?
When it's so easy for you to walk away